Playtime Means Pay Time
by Chewie4370
Summary: In the attempt to give Bella human experiences before the BIG DAY, the Cullens design Human Day. What happens when the teen vamps try to give Bella some more . . . comical human experiences?
1. Vampires Never Forget

**HERE IT IS . . . .MY LONG AWAITED PIECE OF BELLA AND EMMETT FRIENDSHHIP LOVE. HOPE YOU LAUGH!**

**NO BETA HERE . . . THIS IS JUST SOMETHING TO BREAK UP THE MUNDANE THAT IS MY MASTER'S DEGREE CLASSES**

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><p>Chapter 1: Vampires Never Forget<p>

"Bella's here. Human Day! Human Day! Human Day!" I screamed as I launched off the stairs over the banister.

"Emmett McCarthy Cullen! What did I tell you about that?" Esme screamed.

I ignored her, adding to the punishment I was sure to receive later, as I bound across the living room.

"Oh, no you don't," the redhead emo said as he crashed into my body. The fight was on.

"She's my fiancée! I'll answer the door," Edward said as he plowed me into the floor.

"So? She's my best friend."

"Hey!" I heard the pixy one shout. "She's my best friend. You only like to laugh at her."

What did she have to say that for? Edward growled hard enough to shake both of our bodies. He was like a little red head kitten. I'll be sure to pet him later. We tussled back and forth. Neither one of us wanting the other to make it to the door.

"Hey, what's the commotion about?" I heard Bella say. Wait, Bella?

"Your fiancé and my husband are fighting over who is going to let you in the house," Rosalie said.

"Huh. So they forgot Esme and Carlisle gave me a key two months ago?"

"Don't forget the fact that the house is NEVER locked," Alice added.

I chanced looking up to find the three sisters standing with their arms crossed.

"Boys!" They all said as they walked towards the kitchen.

I let my guard down long enough for Edward to face pile me into the rug.

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**A/N: ALL CHAPTERS WILL BE GENERALLY THIS SHORT AND I WANT TO GET YOU TWO TO THREE CHAPTERS PER WEEK . . . **

**WHO KNOWS WHEN AND WHERE THIS WILL END BUT I HOPE YOU HANG ON FOR THE RIDE.**

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	2. EdwardxJasper Pairing

Chapter 2: EdwardxJasper Pairing

Edward and I pushed each other around as we walked to the kitchen to be with the girls. He wrapped his arms around Bella as she sat on the stool. After kissing her hair he stuck his tongue out at me. Carlisle then joined us in the kitchen.

"Okay gang so where to today?" Dad asked.

Since Edward insisted on Bella having regular human experience before THE BIG DAY in less than 6 months, we decided to implement Human Day. Every Saturday we found something to do that was totally out of our every day but fun. Everything became a competition and no matter if we were fishing, shopping, or Volunteering it turned into a full fledge competition between me and my two brothers. By the end of the day Bella often times had to sit out on the fun due her fragile body. Yeah everything became a full contact sport.

Hey, where is Jasper anyway?

"He went to go hunt since we will be around humans most of the day," Edward answered my thoughts.

"Today we are going to Playtime Pizza," Bella announced clapping her hand. She kind of looked like a seal.

"Hey!" Edward responded to my thought.

Calm down dude. Seals can be cute.

Everybody looked between Edward and me, surely wanting to know what conversation we were having.

Just then Jasper bounded through the door.

"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" Jasper was jumping up and down. He looked like a Chihuahua.

Edward started snickering and got everyone's attention again.

So it's okay to call Jasper a mini hyper dog, but I can't call Bella a seal? You are such a hypocrite, Edward.

"But I'm not marring Jasper," Edward said out loud without thinking.

"What the hell?" Jasper said stopping his show.

"You damn sure aren't." Bella glared up at her soon-to-be husband.

"Edward, I told you to keep your damn hands off my husband," Alice moved quickly to Jasper side, than drug him out of the kitchen.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Edward tried to explain but it was too late. Everyone was surely thinking of an Edward/Jasper relationship as they walked away from the stuttering vampire.

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	3. True Jasper

Chapter 3: True Jasper

We looked like such the happy little Brady Bunch family as we loaded the Yukon. Carlisle always went Daddy mode on Human Day and insisted on driving us like we were teenagers. Well we were teenagers (most of us) but you know . . . . Still . . .

The last Human Day we went to the Monster Truck Derby. Ooh that was rich. Jasper was originally concerned with his thirst but the smell of the red dirt, sweat, and testosterone in that building quickly curbed his appetite. Then the fun really began.

Poor Jasper. His deep southern roots really showed that day.

All the screaming hillbillies were feeding Jasper way too much mojo. Before Alice had time to complain about the dirty chairs, Jasper was already screaming like a maniac at the giant monster truck attacking a poor defenseless old Junker. We got nerves when he took off in a too fast speed away from the rest of the family. Then Edward caught his thoughts. Edward had to really work to stop laughing as he guided the rest of the family to our over excited brother.

We found Jasper down at the rails, shirt off, being spun helicopter style above his head as he screamed at Monster Bee to, and I quote, "Tear that fucker a new hide!"

Alice could have fainted at the sight of her husband.

Esme cringed from the sound of Jasper's language.

Edward could have passed out from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard.

And me?

Well, I was too busy snappy away with my iPhone for evidence of blackmail for later.

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	4. Rosalie's Suggestion

I don't think I did a disclaimer . . . shame on me!

So I don't own anything Twilight. I am just thankful the great vampire romance guru Stephanie Meyer allows us to toy with her people. Cause you know if I owned the characters Edward would have ended up with a geeky chick who spends more time writing than reading and thought he was absouletly gorgoues and name happened to start with a C . . . but you know that is just me . . . . Anyway

ALL POV IS EMMETT UNLESS NOTED OTHERWISE . . . .

Chapter 4: Rosalie's Suggestion

"So what is so great about this Playtime Pizza place anyway?" Rosalie asked.

My sweet lioness had come around to accepting Bella and her desire to want to be a vampire but she didn't particularly care for human day.

"_We aren't human. Hell, Bella doesn't even want to be human! So why do we have to have a Human Day?"_

"_Rosalie, you know Edward wants Bella to have some human experiences before her change."_

"_She has been a human for over 18 years." Rosalie turned towards Edward and continued, "Just fuck her brains out, bite her and let's move on with this shindig."_

"_Rosalie!" Esme cringed. _

"_What, Mom? Those are the only two experiences Bella hasn't had as a human._

The room was so quite even Bella could have heard the Earth rotating on its axis. Edward had managed to crawl under the couch from embarrassment. Surprisingly, Bella didn't turn into her normal tomato-y self from the attention. I think she was considering Rosalie's suggestion.

We pulled up into the parking lot of Playtime Pizza. We were greeted by the giant Italian guy with rosy cheeks, a large pizza in his hand, and race car flags in the background. As soon as we opened the door we heard the chaos that ensued in the inside of the large building. Alice pulled Jasper out of the way just as a steam train of a child came burrowing pass us. Other children were literally hanging from the rafters and the screams were second only to the sound of a newborn vamp being made.

"Well, isn't this just delightful," Rosalie said.

**A/N: So this was supposed to be an innocent story and then I let my bestie chynadollar chose my prompt words and next thing I know this story has a "M" rating. . . that was your warning . . . **

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	5. Rabbit

Chapter 5: Rabbit

"Welcome to Playtime Pizza. Let the inner kid in you out," the guy said with a monotone.

I didn't need Eddy's ability to read minds to know he only took this job to talk to the girls. Something tells me it wasn't going as he planned.

Carlisle paid for us to get in, which meant we had to pay for the buffet too.

"But we're not going to eat," I blurted out as Carlisle forked over $80 to the perturbed teen.

"At least not the buffet anyway," Jasper said.

Alice successfully bent him over with the blow to the stomach. It didn't matter anyway. The boy heard Jasper and was giving us weird looks. Edward covered his face in shame. I can only imagine what he was picking up with EC transistors.

We loaded up our game debit cards and we were off to play . . . well after Bella ate that was.

The seven of us sat around and watched as Bella slowly devoured three slices of pizza and a enormous salad. Really, Bells? You have to eat right now? There's bumper cars calling my name.

"Hey, she can eat if she wants to," Edward chimed in on my thoughts. Bella turned her face to smile at her soon to be hubby.

"Thanks babe," she said before turning around and sticking her tongue out at me.

"Real lady like, Isabella," I teased.

After the rabbit finished her meal –

"Hey!" Edward screamed.

"_Dude, you really have got to stop responding to my thoughts before Dad commits you to Forks Insane Asylum."_

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by the red head cry baby, Bella finished her food and we were off to pillage the video games. But then I saw it . . .

THE ROCK WALL.

Oh hell yeah!

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	6. Dazzled Red

**Missed me? I sure did miss you guys . . . well when we last left our gang theyhand found themselves at Play Time Pizza celebrating Human Day. Lets see what antics await them . . . . .**

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><p>Dazzled Red<p>

Chapter 6

"Oh yeah! Let's do this."

I wasn't the only one happy to see the want to-be rock. Edward and Jasper were slowly advancing behind me, drooling venom.

"What's so great about the rock wall?" I heard Bella ask.

"I have no clue. Edward, like, scales your house three times a day. A rock wall should be nothing," Alice responded.

"You fellas want to take her for a test run," the attended ask.

Edward, Jasper and I looked at each other before we all sprinted to the attractions card reader; fighting over who would climb first.

"Boys, no fighting. There is enough room for all three of you to go at the same time. Isn't that right young man?" Esme addressed the young guy.

"Ugh. . . . yes . . . yes ma'am," he stuttered.

Carlisle looked back and forth between the guy who was staring at Esme and his literally dazzling wife. When Carlisle cleared his throat the boy jumped clean across the room.

Blushing worst than Bella after being kissed by Redhead Emo, the guy finally gave his attention to those of us actually paying to play. We raced to the leg harness to prepare our ascent.

"So, you boys know you are going down right?" Jasper asked.

"Oh guys, please can we wait a little while before we start the competing," Bella whined.

"NO!" We brothers responded.

"You're on," Edward challenged our brother.

"Well guys if you want to race I suggest one person on the back, one on the side and one in front. That way no one will get hurt reaching for the same peg," the attended address us.

If he only knew we were no close to getting hurt. If he only saw some of our toy fights.

The guy came over and made sure our harnesses were securely in place. He ran his hands along the inside of my thigh following the yellow band that wrapped around the inside of my leg a little too close to some precious stones.

"Whoa, dude! I require a dinner and a movie before you can touch me like that again."

"Emmett!" Rosalie shouted.

The rest of the crowd gathering around us thought it was funny. I guess I embarrassed the guy so much he didn't bother to check Jasper and Edward. He jogged to his spot by the card reader, still looking a big flushed.

I didn't know I had that effect on guys.

"Alright," the guy cleared his throat, still looking like he had been beaten by a red paint brush, "Go!"

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	7. Walls Can Malfunction

Walls Can Malfunction

Chapter 7

"We have an audience," Edward whispered so low only those of us with our super awesome hearing heard him. It was code for move slow.

"Oh no you don't," Jasper called back just as low, "There will be no mercy!"

I began scaling the fifty foot wall, trying to beat my brothers without going too fast. Now I could have done this in about two second but I didn't want a fake bolder to be the reason we had to abandon Human Day and Washington, so I took it as slow as my competitive nature could handle. I reached for the red peg above my head but I must have not been paying close enough attention to my rippling muscles of beauty cause before I knew it I had pulled the hand rest from the wall and dropped it to the floor.

"What the hell!" I heard the attended say. I looked down to see him inspecting the red piece of metal.

Oops!

Despite my moment of destruction I continued on. I heard both Jasper and Edward moving beside me on the opposite sides of the wall but my hearing didn't prepare me for the impact. It couldn't be anyone but Jasper.

The entire wall began to shake hard enough that I lost my footing and dislodging another two of the metal climbing rest.

"Jasper, you ass!" Edward screamed.

"Language, dude, there are kids around," I sent Edward's way mentally.

"All's far in love and war, boys," Jasper whispered back with another shake of the wall.

"Whoa!" I heard Edward scream before the now too familiar sound of metal pegs hitting the floor.

We were destroying the wall and we still had twenty feet to go.

I looked down at our family who had moved further back so they could see all three of us make complete fools of ourselves. Carlisle shook his head knowing it was our antics that was destroying the walls.

"Fellas, hang on we are going to get you down," the attendant shouted into a bull horn. "Stay calm; the wall seems to be . . . um . . . malfunctioning?" He must have realized how ridicules he sounded.

How the hell does a wall malfunction . . . unless there are three vampires attempting to race on it that is.

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><p><strong>Poor Playtime Pizza . . . I have so much more instore for it . . . This is revenge for all the times I have had to chase children around this place (yes this place is real).<strong>

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	8. Sore Loser

Ha! This so has not been beta - ed . . . at all . . . can't you tell . . .

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><p>Sore Loser<p>

Chapter 8

Not bothered by the click and clang of metal hitting the ground the Cullen brothers pressed on.

"Okay boys let end this before we have way too much to explain," Jasper whispered to us. "We will call this one a truth. Deal?"

"No freaking way," Edward responded far too loud.

I could hear more metal hitting the ground. I looked down to find more employees surrounding the wall. I could hear them talking about how they were going to get us down.

They do realize this is only a fifty foot wall made of some fake concrete right?

"Alright screw it," I said.

Forgetting the Emo could read my thoughts, he got a glimpse of what I had in mind.

"Oh, no you don't!" Edward screeched.

I guess Jasper caught wind of some determination 'cause suddenly he seemed to know the secret too.

"Over my dead body!"

"Memo to Jasper: that ship has sailed."

And with that I was gone; finishing the wall in less than three seconds.

I sat on top of the ledge just in time to see my kid brothers pulling up the edge.

"You idiot! Jasper and I are both older than you are," Edward said.

"Sticks and stone, Emo, sticks and stones."

"Dang it! I hate losing," Jasper said, slamming his fist on the fake mountain.

And Edward called me the idiot.

I could hear the fissure opening up along the wall and the stone crushed beneath Jasper's strike. The terrifying onlookers below us screamed as they saw the shift in the platform. My brothers and I let go of the once one piece rock as it shock, leaving us to freely hang from our protective lines.

"Okay this is not good," I squeaked a voice not my own.

"No shit Sherlock," Edward replied full of snide. "Jasper, what the hell is wrong with you?" he whispered.

"Sorry! You know I hate to lose!"

The employees began to manually lower us from the safety rafters. When we were "safely" on the ground and out of that crotch pinching harness, we got a look at the damage Jasper had caused.

The fracture ran down the entire length of the rock wall!

Edward, Jasper, and I stood with our backs to our family. I don't know about them, but I was terrified to turn around. I figured I would use my brothers to assess the situation first.

"Jasper?" I didn't even have to tell him what I needed to know.

"Humans are shocked and surprised . . . Vampire family plus one wanna-be-vampire are all very pissed."

"Okay . . . Figures . . . Edward?"

"There are a few words I don't think I really need to repeat, but as a warning the harness was nicer to your stones than what Rosalie is threating right now," Edward informed me.

At the same time we all turned around to face our very angry family.

You know those scenes in westerns when the sheriff's entire department walks up to the outlaws, and they have vengeance in their eyes . . . yeah that is what was looking back at us.

"Always know I loved you boys'" I said wishing my brothers a farewell.

When I looked over at Edward he had a shit eating grin that made me wonder what thoughts he was picking up and from who?

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><p>Reveiw Please!<p> 


	9. The Rules

I'm back . . . well for a week anyway. Want to really get you some chapters out while I am on break from school. So hope you like them!

This one is unbeta-ed as usual

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><p>Chapter 9<br>The Rules

The man jogging our way was at least fifty years old, had a hairline so far back that I wondered if he was related to Labron James, and had a pot belly that was giving the buttons of his short sleeve dress shirt a difficult job. The stripes on the shirt were all different color and each sleeve had a picture of the rosy cheek Italian guy we saw when we walked in. He wore a huge pin on his shirt that said "Stan, I'm the Manager."

My first thought was oh shit! At least Carlisle and Esme wouldn't kill us in public.

The short sprint made the chubby human have some difficulty breathing. By the time he made it to Carlisle he was struggling to breathe.

"We are so sorry for the damages. We will pay for them," Esme said to the man.

Hadn't I told Esme? Rule number 1: Never admit to the crime!

We Three Amigos were joined by our significant others; each looking the epitome of an assassin. Even Isabella! I don't know what she could possibly do to Edward (you know her being a puny human and all) but my brother looked like he was about to walk the green mile or something.

"Oh no, nonsense, Mrs. . . ." Stan trailed off.

"Cullen," Esme responded, "and this is my husband, Carlisle Cullen."

Damn it Mom! Rule number two: Never give your real name!

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, we are so sorry for the trauma this malfunction may have caused your boys." Stan looked over at the three of us and the women staring at us.

And that's when it hit him that something wasn't quite right.

"Well . . . um," Stan stuttered, "Please take these complimentary All Access Game Passes for unlimited game play while you are here today."

"What the . . .?" Rosalie screamed.

"Uh oh," Alice whispered.

"SWEET," we three amigos shouted. We all ran towards Stan the Manager, snatching for the six plastic cards.

Stan stepped back as soon as he saw us approaching. He looked up at me like I was the abominable Snowman or something.

"Mr. Stan, that won't be necessary," Esme said.

I really need to go over the rules with Esme again. Rule number three: Accept all free gifts with astronomical value (especially if the crime was your fault).

"No take backs!" I screamed.

I grabbed Rosalie's hand and sprinted towards the stairs. I could see the video games waiting for me. Behind me Jasper and Edward followed. Jasper was carrying Alice by the waist, and Edward and Bella's arms were linked like he was escorting her to the Winter Ball or something.

Damn Victorian brother, Sheesh!

"It's no problem at all, Mrs. Cullen," I could hear Stan the Manager say to mom. "Please enjoy the rest of your day here at Play Time Pizza."

Oh, we will Stan the Manager.

We will.

(Cue evil laugh and maniacal hand rubbing.)

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><p><strong>Funny? Not Funny? Let me, know in a Review!<strong>

**~Now for some shameless self-pimping~**

If you want to read a more serious love story (my natural state) check out my In-Progress story **"Content Not to See"** (Alice/Bella). If you want to read a bit of boy-loving check out **"What He Needs"** (Edward/Jacob) or **"To Give and Receive: A Christmas Story"** (Edward/Jasper) both already completed.

Do you like The Mortal Instrument Series? Then check our my Alec/Magnus one-shot **"Our Time."**

And as always you can find me on Twitter as ** Chewie4370** where I am even more of a nut. I tweet life, love and Fanfiction.

Hopefully see you again tomorrow!


	10. The Speech

Chapter 10  
>The Speech<p>

Before me was a glorious site. The video games stretched out as far as the eye could see. The neon strobe lights and loud sounds were enough to send any child into a hypnotic state of hyper activity. The alternating red and blue lights of the nearby police car driving game was about to send me into an epileptic seizure! I had much work to do on this Human Day!

"Guys," Alice called to us, "I'm getting some shaky looking visions here."

"What do you see, Alice?" Jasper asked.

Why does he always look so serious when he asks her that?

"I don't know everything is moving way too fast for me to keep up."

"What is it?"

"I see a lot of guns, tickets, children –loads of them-crying, a pink slip, and more walls malfunctioning."

Alice sneered at us three amigos with that last one.

Sheesh! You divide one wanna-be rock wall into two pieces and they never let you live it down. That was so five minutes ago. Leave the past in the past.

"Oh come on," I said. "It's Human Day! We are supposed to act like out of control teenagers today." I stood in front of my siblings proclaiming, "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Emmett you don't watch enough horror movies. You are never supposed to say that," Carlisle said as he came up the stairs to join his rowdy children.

"You guys worry way too much." I pulled Bella away from Edward before he could catch it in my thoughts. "This is for Isabella. We vowed to give her as many human experiences as we could. Do you all want to deprive her of this day?"

"Yes!" Rosalie shouted.

"Oh, of course not," Esme sighed.

"Here, here!" Jasper proclaimed

"Oh brother," Alice said.

"Give me back my girlfriend," the red head emo said, pulling Bella back to his side.

"Okay you guys go play, I'll be right back," I said turning away from the family.

"And where do you think you're going mister?"

I pointed to the bright flashing orange and blue neon sign.

"I'm signing the Cullens up for a game of Laser Tag!"

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><p><em><strong>You gotta stay tune to see the Laster Tag mishap but first I gotta let the Cullens play a few other games!<strong>_

_**I did it! Two days in a row; now let's see if I can keep it up.**_

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	11. Juicy Fruit

Chapter 11  
>Juicy Fruit<p>

I guess I should have heard the warning in Al's "Uh oh," but at the time it seemed small

Hine sight is 20/20.

"Let me guess you wanna play laser tag," the blond head teenager said to me popping on pink bubble gum.

"Um . . . no. Actually, I was hoping you could perform brain surgery on my imaginary cat," I said sarcastically.

"What?" she said looking confused.

"Nothing, never mind. I need to reserve a spot for six."

"Ugh! What's the name?"

"You're are such a charming young lady," I said leaning over her podium.

"Really?" Bubble gum girl smiled.

"To somebody . . . somewhere . . . maybe. So six please?

"Anything for you, sexy."

The look she was trying to give may have been sexy if the pink bubble gum hadn't been sticking to her teeth and lips.

"I'll make a deal with you," I whisper, "Put the Cullen's on the next open spot and I'll do something for you." I bounced my eyebrows.

"Really," she kept grinning, showing way too many teeth.

"Yup," I said popping the "p" on the end.

She giggled, "Okay." The she snorted.

Who the hell snorts?

"It'll be 30 minutes," she continued to snicker. "So, what do I get? A kiss! Oh I want a kiss."

"I got something better for you. I'm going to hook you up with my homeboy."

"Really? Ooh, which one?" She looked over my shoulder to where Edward, Carlisle, and Jasper stood.

"Not them; trust me you don't want any of those monsters!"

"Then who?" She snorted again.

"I'll be right back."

Okay now this was my chance to get away from Miss Juicy Fruit but I needed to do my good deed for the day. I jogged a humanly as possible pass the rest of the gang. The whole family looking at me crazy . . . well crazier than usual.

"Emmett! Don't do it. Don't do this," Edward said.

"It won't hurt anything Eddie. It'll be alright," I heard Alice say.

"Do I even want to know?" Rosalie asked.

"You'll see."

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><p><strong>Emmett has a plan . . . this may mean trouble . . . <strong>

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